Smarter Balanced Assessments: If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding

Starting to get notes in the email about preparing for the upcoming Smarter Balanced Assessment field trials this spring. These are trial runs of the nationwide standardized Common Core tests that are supposed to be rolled out next school year, and as far as I can tell, will replace the STAR tests this year, at least at our elementary school.

First of all, and least important, Smarter Balanced Assessment is a terrible name. It reminds me of this:




or maybe I'm thinking of this:

or was it this:

In any case, dumb name. Talk about standardized-test-driven curriculum squashing creativity. Clearly standardized-test-related careers do the same thing.

Okay, now on to my main point, which is also kind of a side note to the larger issues of standardized tests, Common Core, and their effect on schools, students, and society.

My son reports that his teacher is telling his class that they are required to take the test, and that they will not be allowed to advance to the next grade level if they do not do well on it.

What?

1. Bulllloney. It's illegal to hold a child back strictly on the basis of his or her score a statewide/nationwide standardized test.
2. The purpose of the test, whether we believe in the test or not, is to measure the school, not the individual student. 
2. Anyone can legally opt out with a letter.
3. The test isn't even a real test yet. It's a test of a test. Results can't count for real, anyway.

We're going out of town during the testing window anyway, so it doesn't matter for us. Still. How very vexing.

Halloween Costumes and the Drug War

Feeling proud of myself because I made a snake costume for Kenzo today--I went to the store and bought fabric and everything. He was going to be a shadow until day before yesterday and then changed his mind. I kind of liked the shadow idea better because it's abstract and cool and original, plus he was going to use Tai's old Grim Reaper costume (I made that one too, because I'm just that good, natch). 

Tai is going to be a gangster. Sigh. We spray painted one of his Nerf guns black, and he's going to sag his pants, wear a wallet chain and a big hoodie and push his hat sideways. It's actually pretty funny. He's even going to wear striped boxer briefs because he figures if you can see his underwear over his pants, it should be interesting to look at. His hoodie covers his butt, though, so it doesn't really matter--it's just for authenticity's sake. I got him a big chain to wear around his neck, but he said no thanks.

He's also going to wear a bandana around his face--Old West bank robber style--that has the bottom of a skull on the outside. So much for authenticity. 

Why does the idea of a gangster costume bug me so much? More than, say, a cowboy with a gun or a Marine with a gun or a 1920's gangster with a gun? Because it's racist? Because it's violent and contemporary? I don't think he even understands what it means to be a real gangster.

The irony is that it's Red Ribbon Week (Say No to Drugs!) at his school this week. It's so awful. Each day has a theme: 

• Do the Macarena during lunch on Monday because Heey, Macarena! (Ay!)
• Wear boots to school on Tuesday to Give Drugs the Boot! or was it Stomp Out Drugs! or Kick the Cocaine Habit! or maybe it was Who Cares! 
• Wear you clothes backwards on Wednesday to show that Drugs Eff You Up So Much You Can't Put Your Clothes On Right! 
• Scare Away Drugs! on Halloween and wrap a teacher up in toilet paper at recess to make her into a mummy because Drugs Are Afraid of Mummies! Also, Dead People Don't Do Drugs!
• Wear Red on Friday because Bloods not Crips!

 Or whatever. Who knows. How this is supposed to help kids not do drugs is totally beyond me. Tai's sweatshirt was on backwards after school today and I asked him if he knew why everyone was supposed to wear their clothes backwards. He said no. I don't think anyone knew, actually. 

School has its benefits, but this ridiculosity is one thing I could do without.

Note: 

In case you're wondering, they were supposed to Dance Away Drugs! by doing the Macarena. Seriously. And they were supposed to Turn Their Backs On Drugs! by wearing their clothes backwards. Ugh. It makes me want to tear my hair out. Now I'm glad that Tai is going as a gangsta. I should have found him a hoodie with a big marijuana leaf on the back.

Addendum (11/3): Come to think of it, if I were drugs, I'd definitely run away from a crowd of people doing the Macarena on a Monday afternoon. 

Geometry for 8th Graders, or How Much Do You Love Your Child?

This is not about writing, but it is about education, and I have to vent somewhere. And what I'm writing is too snarky to send to the local paper, so I'm posting it here.

Ready? Okay.

Some loving parents in my little town are trying to do right by their children by fighting for a geometry option for advanced 8th grade math students, and the mean old school district is standing in their way. The school district says they don't want to promote a fast-track, get-ahead-at-all-costs mentality. Right on, says I. But I'll bet the school district also thinks that it will cost money to write the extra-advanced curriculum, and it will be a pain to schedule--but they're not going to say that on record, are they?

I'm not sure where I stand on this. I think that my community pushes kids a little too forcefully, academically. The definition of success here is pretty narrow: A's in school, lots of sports, top tier college admission, high-paying job. On the other hand, I kind of think sure, why not offer geometry in 8th grade to kids who are ready, with the caveat that they must really want to take it? Although who are we kidding--the kids will want to if their parents want them to want to. Following me?

But. The parents' and one trustee's arguments, quoted below, make me a teeny tiny bit sick:

"The Los Altos School District keeps its students doing warmups while the [Mountain View] Whisman and Cupertino students are running full speed. In a four lap race, the Los Altos School District students enter the race a full lap behind."

--Don Hana, parent

On the same theme:
"We need to get competitive or we will get left behind."

--Mark Goines, trustee

Um, first of all, I wasn't aware that high school (math) was a four lap race that kids should run at full speed. Are we talking about that infamous race to...nowhere? (Oh, how I love the irony.) God forbid Los Altos kids should get anywhere after kids from ghetto Mountain View. Some of those Mountain View families don't even own their own homes, for crying out loud.